There are four attachment styles:
- Secure
- Ambivalent/Anxious
- Avoidant/Dismissive
- Disorganized
Every person has an attachment style or a combination of two. It is the result of how much your parents were focused on you to meet your needs as you were growing up. Below is a very brief synopsis of each attachment style. Look on line for more information or to take a test to find out your attachment style.
- Secure – your parents were focused on you and met your needs. This made you feel loved, significant, worthy, and treasur
- Ambivalent/Anxious – your parents were focused on you some of the time. So, only some of the time your needs were met. This creates a child that is anxious and fearful of their future. They feel but don’t deal with life. They are anxious about being loved and a about relationships.
Inner voice says:
- The world is emotionally unstable.
- They are losing interest in me or like someone else more.
- No wonder they don’t like me.
- I’m there for them but they aren’t for me.
- In the work place my work is never enough.
- That was my idea but they won’t listen.
- Avoidant/Dismissive – The parents are not focused on you which makes you fend for themself to get what you need. You deal with life but don’t allow your own feelings. You can do everything for yourself and don’t like the emotions of others.
Inner voice says:
- No problem, everything is fine.
- I don’t need anyone.
- I can do it myself.
- I don’t care if they like me.
- Don’t tell – I can take care of it myself.
- Don’t get too involved – you’ll just get disappointed.
- You’ve got to protect yourself.
- I won’t commit to relationships.
- They won’t care.
They say to others:
- Don’t come crying to me.
- Stop it! Get over it! Enough already!
- If you’re going to cry, go to your room.
- Toughen up – suck it up.
- What do you need a hug for?
- Disorganized – You were abused by your parent(s). When you needed something, you got yelled at, hit, or smacked around, etc. You learned that you are worthless and shouldn’t ask for or need much of anything. You feel very broken.
Inner voice says:
- Something is wrong with me.
- I don’t matter.
- I don’t have worth.
- No one would want to put up with me.
- I feel detached.
The goal is to have a secure attachment style. I can help you. Give me a call today.