Healing From the Rejection of Your Child’s RAD

In my last post, I began to explain the healing I went through in processing the results of my adopted daughters RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) behaviors. I expressed that I ran to Father God and found an unconditional love that healed my soul. The results of RAD rejection can be intense, but I’m here to say there is hope and life on the other side for your wounded soul.

Now, I’m going to describe something called “The Trinity Window.” This terminology came from the life coach (pastor) I went to when I was in the process of healing. It is the tool I use to life coach others now that I’m a life coach. Our Life Coaching website can be found at unleashedhealingcenter.com    You can get in contact with me  at [email protected]


There are three areas of relationships that affect us drastically – shown in the Trinity window below:                                   

 (This chart was developed by my pastor)

(Note: When I refer to the soul needs, please understand I mean the body, soul and spirit needs.)


                                               Trinity Window


                                   Body, Soul, and Spirit Needs

Relationship                                                                           Trinity

Father ————-Care (provision) ——–Father God      

                                            Condition (protection)

                                           Character (identity)                            

Siblings/friends —- Companionship ———–Jesus


Mother ———– Comfort —————-Holy Spirit

                                          Coach (teach)

                                          Cultivate (nurture)


Our father, mother, and siblings/friends – if they were or weren’t positively involved during our upbringing:

 The father’s job is to provide, protect and develop our identity. The mother can contribute to these three areas too, but when it comes to meeting a child’s soul need – provision, protection and identity development are primarily the father’s responsibility. The mother’s job is to teach, nurture and comfort. Again, the father can do this as well, but primarily, the mother is responsible in these three areas. The sibling/friend’s job is to provide communication and companionship during the process of growing up while generally experiencing life.

There seems to be a deeper developmental impact to a child’s soul when each of these areas are or are not provided for by the person who is responsible for these basic soul needs.  When it is provided, then the child gets their needs met and their soul is relatively well. The reverse is true if these three areas of relationship requirements aren’t met.


Now, let’s attach these basic need requirements to the Godhead or Trinity (repeated from above):


Relationship           Body, Soul & Spirit need

Father God ——– Care (provision)

                                          Condition (protection)

                                          Character (identity)

Jesus ————-Companion


Holy Spirit ——–Comfort

                                        Coach (teach)

                                       Cultivate (nurture)      


Father God’s fathering role in our life is to provide, protect, and speak identity to us (but is not limited to just these three areas). There are scriptures all through the bible which show Father God expressing provision, protection and identity.

Jesus played the role of sibling/friend. He was the best communicator and was the greatest friend He possibly could be to His twelve disciples. He is not limited to just these two areas either. However, in this particular relationship role He did all he was supposed to do to meet the needs of his siblings and friends.

Holy Spirit, although He is NOT a woman, plays the closest role to a mother when we look at some of the areas He relates to us in relationship. He is our comforter, teacher and nurturer.


So what’s the Point?

 When a father is around and meets these basic needs of provision, protection, and identity then the soul of the child is not generally wounded and is basically whole and well. To expect a father to be perfect is unrealistic. Even though he might do a good job, there will still be areas or times he didn’t. So, we always need the Trinity to heal a unfulfilled need/wound in our soul.

But, if the father is not around for some reason or is only around now and then, the soul of the child is probably very deeply wounded. If there is abuse of any kind—hunger, alcohol, or drugs, etc.—then this just adds to the problem. It intensifies feeling unprotected, being in need, and the absence of identity and wounds the child’s soul.

The same goes for the mother, and siblings/ friends when basic needs go un-met, the child’s soul will be wounded.


Then Father God, Jesus and Holy Spirit can save and heal:

 This is not how Father God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit wanted or wants it to be.  Where our earthly fathers, siblings/friends and mothers wouldn’t or couldn’t meet our soul needs, the Trinity will and healing will be the results. YEAH!!!

In my last post I said I spent a long time talking to Father God about why the relationship with my two adopted daughters didn’t work. They have RAD (reactive attachment disorder) and are unable to bond to anyone. My biggest dilemma was this: Why was my love not enough for my girls, even though I gave it all I had?

I spent time talking to God about every issue. He presented every issue to me and we would look at it from every angle. I would ask questions and He would answer. I was at a place where I wanted to know His thoughts on all of the situation and reflected on everything He said. He was so kind and understood my pain.

Holy Spirit spent a great deal of time comforting me and teaching me what end was up in our big hot mess of a family. Jesus communicated to me and was my companion when no one understood what we were going through.


God created mankind to have a family relationship with us. We are His sons and daughters and His intentions towards us are honorable. He wants to be our protection, provision and speak identity to us. Jesus wants to be our brother/sibling and friend and communicate with us as our companion. Holy Spirit wants to comfort, teach and nurture us. The trouble is, do we let them?

The cross isn’t the last time the Trinity will save us. It isn’t the last time God won and did something spectacular on our behalf. They want authentic relationships, to be involved in our everyday lives and help with the biggest hot messes we can get ourselves into. So, let them minister to your soul.

 So, if you’re in a hot mess with your adopted child and there seems to be no solution please comment below. I would love to talk with you. Until we speak again….

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